MotiveGrounds.com - I don’t live in my sister’s basement dammit!

Oh, how I love when the plow comes down my street. There’s nothing like coming home after a hard day of work, and finding a special present left at the foot of your driveway: Brownish, icy, hard packed snow. And I don’t even have to pay a special fee for this free shit either!

A City of Erie plow, gathering ice, snow and possibly bricks to personally dump in front of my driveway. Yeah, fuck you too buddy!

So yeah, I get home yesterday and there’s all this hard packed snow shit at the end of the driveway. I grabbed the shovel and started pounding away at it, until I realized that it had somehow melded together to form some new type of material, impervious to shovels, as one of the metal blade pieces on the shovel bent. Well shit. Aubri’s speech therapist was coming over soon and Monica was going to be getting home a little before then, so there wasn’t anything I could do then. When Monica got home I carried Aubri up the driveway, hoping I wouldn’t slip, and mentally put up a finger due north to the plow garage, or wherever the hell it is.

After the therapist left I went outside in my best blaze orange overalls and coat, partly to be representin’ Deer Huntaz and partly so I didn’t get hit by a damn car. I grabbed a claw hammer and a putty knife. Needless to say the putty knife was worthless as it was too hard packed to cut into sections and lift out. The god damn hammer kept flying out of my hand from the snow getting on my glove, and besides I would have been there all day. Also, kicking the snow was worthless as well.

I went into the shed looking for a crowbar (don’t ask, the damn thing wouldn’t have done better anyways) and I spotted the gasoline. Hell yeah dude! Then I realized I’d probably go to jail for setting my driveway on fire, so that idea was shot. But wait! Against the wall, the slowly fading sunlight shining down on it….my salvation!

Hallelujah

I grabbed that mofo, pulled the start rope a few times, and it fired right up. And I then proceeded to rototill my driveway. At first glance it probably looked normal, like I had a snowblower, but one of my neighbors gave me a double take when I’m figuring he realized what I was doing. But did I give a shit? No way! That thing cut through the icy snow like a knife through my hand, which is why I don’t use sharp things. Oh, I also almost fell over using this thing, so that would have been exciting, so I guess I’m not good with knives or spinning blades. Maybe I should stay away from the blender too.

And that’s how I cleared my driveway. Those asshole plow drivers are going to have to do better than that.